Rest In Peace
by KelliP
Summary: 'He's not ready to say goodbye, but she's slowly slipping away from him anyway. He can't handle this; doesn't know how he's going to be able to live without her; without her warmth and her smile and her laughter ringing in his ears. But he loves her, and he has to let her go.'


**Rest In Peace**

* * *

_AMR, may you rest in peace._

* * *

He kneels beside her, her hands clasped in his, his face bowed down and eyes squeezed tightly shut. Over the deafening silence of the room, he can hear the slowing beeping to the rhythm of her heart, the wheezing as she tries to breath. He's never been a man of faith, but tonight, he prays.

A feeble attempt at a squeeze of his hands shakes him from his reverie, his head lifting, his eyes locking onto hers. "Castle," she whispers, her voice hoarse and weak and straining with the effort it takes. His arm stretches up, brushing her cheek, stroking her hair as he tries to comfort her, but he knows he's failing. He needs her too much to pretend like he's at all okay with this.

"I can't do this alone, Kate. I can't. I need you, please." His voice cracks with the emotion he can't hold back. He shakes his head in disbelief, tears spilling over his eyelids, sliding down his cheeks. He lifts her hand up to his mouth, presses a gentle, begging kiss to her knuckles. "Please."

She lifts the corners of her mouth into a small smile, a flicker of pride in her eyes. "You can, Castle. You're strong. You're going to be fine."

"Just keep fighting, Kate. Just keep fighting. For me, please. I need you to stay with me just a little longer."

"It's time, Castle," she whispers. "It's my time. I'm ready."

But he's not ready. He'll never be ready. Not for this.

How can he say goodbye to the woman who fills his heart with such overpowering love? The woman who has somehow found it in her heart to love him back? The woman he's spent every day for the past twenty-five years trying to show just how much she means to him?

Her eyes close for a long moment, a shallow breath filling her lungs, before they finally slide back open.

He can see it in her eyes how tired she is. Tired of being a prisoner to this bed. Tired of fighting a losing battle against a disease that's completely drained her of her life.

She can't fight this any more. And it's so completely selfish of him to ask her too.

He needs to let her go.

For a second, his eyes flick to the doctor standing in the shadows of the room. The woman gives Castle only a brief nod before he turns back to Kate, but it's all the reassurance he needs.

It's her time. She's comfortable. She's ready.

She'll just… slip away peacefully.

"Lie with me?"

He gives a small nod, hot tears dropping from his chin as he stumbles to his feet. One hand snakes under her back, the other under her knees, and he lifts her, gently sliding her across the bed until there's enough room for him to lay next to her. Her hand trembles with effort for a moment, fingers stretched towards him, before falling back down uselessly onto the bed.

He understands; she wants him to hold her. He curls his body around hers the best he can, taking caution of the wires and tubes and just holding her as close to him as he can. Her head rests against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, just as she's always loved to do. He buries his face into her hair, breathing in the scent of her he's come to love so much, the scent he doesn't know how he's supposed to live without.

It's the small things he's going to miss. The way she rolls her eyes at his ridiculous ideas, and the small crack of a smile that usually accompanies it. The way her eyes flutter shut when she's completely relaxed. The way she reaches for him every night as they fall asleep together. The warmth of her body as she lies against him, limbs tangled with his. The breathtaking smile that lights up on her face when he hands her a fresh cup of coffee every morning, every time he tells her he loves her.

"I love you so much, Kate. I love you. I love you. I-" he chokes, his heart tightening, piercing, breaking inside his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too," she breathes, her body sinking into his just a fraction more. He runs a hand from her lower back up her spine until it reaches the loose tendrils of hair covering the back of her neck. Pressing a kiss into her hair, he tangles his fingers in her soft locks, stroking just like her mother did when she was young.

He feels her shiver against his body, and he lets his hot breath exhale across her forehead, providing her with whatever warmth he can. She shivers again as his hand trails softly up and down her arm, the lack of friction doing little to warm her, but there's nothing more he can do without causing her any pain.

"Tell me a story, Castle."

He swallows the lump that's risen in his throat, uselessly tries to blink back the tears, as he opens his mouth and somehow manages to force out the words she wants to hear. "Once lived a spoilt boy who lived in the greatest city in the world. He thought he had everything- money, cars, fame- but then, one day, he met the most beautiful woman in the world, both inside and out. Never in his life had he met such an extraordinary person, and he was amazed by her generosity, her courage, and her hotness."

He feels a weak rumble through her chest, a soft sound escaping her lips as she tries to laugh.

"For four years, he spent every day trying to win the woman's heart. He told her jokes, he brought her coffee, he sat patiently by her side until, one day, she told him how much she loved him. And when she agreed to spend the rest of her life with him, wearing his ring on her finger- that was the happiest day of his life."

He pressed another kiss into her hair, gives her hand a gentle squeeze, hugs her body close against his. Slowly, her head pressed heavily into his chest, her fingers slowly loosing their grip on his, her body slackening in his arms.

Oh, god.

This is it.

He's not ready. He loves her. He can't-

"I'll never stop loving you, Kate," he whispers.

She draws in a shaky breath, exhales, and then-

Nothing.

She's still in his arms, but he doesn't move, can't give her up just yet. The doctor switches of the heart rate monitor, but the sound of her flat lined heart echoes loudly in his ears. He hugs her to his chest, holding her close as the sobs wrack through his body, the tears slipping from his eyes. He keeps his grip on her hand, their fingers entwined, his thumb stroking over her knuckles, until they grow cold in his.

She's gone.


End file.
